Today started out slowly: I got up, had my coffee, the boys played, I made them breakfast, then it seemed a slow sadness was doing its best to creep into my body, mind, and spirit. At first I was really afraid of this: We were celebrating my mother-in-law's birthday today, and the place was going to be packed with relatives. My parents were invited as well. (BTW, my parents and my in-laws get along wonderfully--what a gift that is.)
It was very difficult for me to be happy, and I started questioning everything: what was this sadness about, where's the origin of this, what do I need to do to feel better...you get the idea.
But then I remembered something Sean Corne said in an interview with Krista Tippett. I'm paraphrasing here: Krista asked Sean about the sadness yogis and yoginis experience when they've done yoga for a while--a sadness you can't put your finger on. Sean's response was that yoga invites us to take the scab off the wound and experience our sadness. Yoga releases so much tension held in the body, mind, and spirit, that we need to honor the sadness when it appears.
When I realized this, I stopped fighting. Svaroopa opened me up quite a bit. I'm sore, but I'm witnessing the sadness that was released in the muscles. Now instead of getting angry and anxious, I'm being gentle with myself.
My mom said to me later this evening that I seemed kind of down in the dumps. I told her that yeah, I was, but I knew it would pass.
Right now, my husband is waiting for me to finish this blog so I can enjoy a few episodes of "In treatment" before bed. The irony is not lost on me!
I will embrace this and except it, and know that in order to change and get better, I have to go through this and not fight it. Namaste.
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