Finding Balance in Poses--in Life

So much of what yoga is, is developing awareness of our body, mind, and spirit. Figuring out how to do that can feel overwhelming and daunting--especially when you feel stuck.

I find myself questioning everything--at times ad nauseum. "Why am I feeling this way?" "Why won't my body cooperate when my mind can do these beautiful asanas with ease?" "When will I ever get rid of my chronic pain?"

These questions are like a hamster running on its exercise wheel. He moves fast, but gets nowhere. I pray for balance in my life with my kids, with work and play, with my husband, and finding time for myself. But what I think I need to pray for more is for acceptance of where I am at right now. I want everything fixed and I get frustrated when pain takes over. So lately I've devoted myself to these things:

1. Finish reading Rod Stryker's book The Four Desires: Creating a Life of Purpose, Happiness, Prosperity, and Freedom and completing all the activities in there
2. Continue going to Svaroopa yoga classes each month (2+ more each month)
3. Accept where my pain level is at each day: manage it through yoga, meditation, and Yes, medication
4. Be gentle with myself

I know that my perspective will change. And I need to enjoy the flow.

Trouble Posting to the Blog?

I've had a couple of people say that they've tried to post to the blog, but can't seem to figure it out. Here's a tutorial:

• First, click on the link of the post you want to comment on (You'll see these listed on the right of your screen.)
• Then go to the end of that posting and you will see a text box.  Type your comment in there.
• If you have a "Google Acct", sign in. If not, you can type your name at the end of the message, or just leave it off. It can be anonymous.
• So either choose anonymous or sign in...then type in the string of letters you see for verification purposes.
• It will then send me a notification that someone wants have their comment posted to the blog.
• I will then publish it. 
• If you have any questions, contact me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/Youthful_Yogini

Success

Thanks to my pal, YogaChickie on Twitter, I was able to do a backbend. She mentioned that I needed to place blocks against a wall so that my hands would be elevated. It took a few tries, but I was eventually able to push myself into a backbend. Yea!!! Now this backbend was not pretty, it was actually quite abstract! I had to turn my hands so that the heel of my hands faced my ears. Having my fingers pointing toward my shoulders what a bit too intense, so I adapted the pose a bit.

Now that I know I can do it, I will play with the pose and see if I can stay up longer than 2 seconds! I hope to build my arm and back muscles so that this pose looks effortless. But now that I know I can do this, I know I will achieve the beautiful backbend my mind's eye sees me do all the time. Namaste!

The Most Healing Sound

I was reminded last Saturday of the Ujjayi Breath (or victory breath) at my Svaroopa yoga class. I had learned this type of breathing about three years ago, and have only occasionally practiced it. Because of what I've relearned, I am going to employ this method of breathing a few times a day. Our bodies and minds recognize this breath as a healing breath--actually the most healing sound there is. It's that important!

Ujjayi breathing is a way of breathing that calms the nervous system, helps to relax your mind, and also can help you sleep better. The easiest way I have found to make this work is to slightly point my chin down toward my chest:  this opens the airway as well as constricts the flow at the same time. Your breath should be the same length on the inhale as with the exhale. If you notice a subtle snoring sound, you're on the right track. This can be done at any time, but be careful not to use this method of breathing if you are in a difficult pose. You should be relaxed to allow the air to flow freely through the airways.

Another way to practice this breath is to clear your throat. When you do this, notice the muscles that you used to clear your throat. Continue clearing your throat (epiglottis is working) so that the sound eminated from you is a sound only you can hear. Keep the epiglottis engaged as you continue to breathe in and out slowly. Notice all the subtle changes in your body when you practice this.

I know for me, this has been wonderful. I tend to panic when I feel my pain has worsened. If I can remember to practice this ujjayi breath, I can lessen the pain and remain calm.

I posted a few links that give a much better explanation than I can. Enjoy!
http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/768
http://www.yogalesson.com/pranayama/ujjayi.html

Excellent Liver Cleanser

For about 2 years, I've drank this concoction every morning: 1 Tbls Organic extra virgin olive oil, 1 Tbls Organic lemon juice, and 6-8 ounces of Organic grape juice. Mix it all together and drink. It tastes delicious and it a great detoxer. Because of the medicines I take to control my chronic pain, I want to be sure that my liver is as healthy as it can be. (If you can't afford the organic, that's OK, it still works as a good detox drink. When I'm feeling a little bit rich, I splurge on the organic.)

Pain Management

Learning to accept my pain rather than being frightened of it is a real challenge for me. Since adolescence, I have dealt with chronic pain. It has morphed over the years, at times becoming better, and more often than not, becoming worse.  I have been to more doctors and alternative therapies to try and deal with this problem than I care to admit. (See previous post on Putting Faith in Others).

In 2010, I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease. The test results indicated that I had a previous exposure (based on CDC criteria), but currently do not have Lyme disease (also based on CDC criteria). However, I had seen a doctor who specialized in diagnosis and treatment of Lyme Disease who told me that there is a population (an epidemic, actually) that suffer from chronic pain due to CHRONIC Lyme Disease. He put me on a month’s worth of strong antibiotics along with a supplement called Artemisia that dealt with babesia, a protozoan parasite that infects the blood—many patients with Lyme, he said, have co-infections and babesia is a common infection that goes along with Lyme. Both pills made me very sick, irritable, and even in more pain than I had had previously.

Finally, I went to an infectious disease physician who told me that I do NOT have chronic Lyme and should stop treatment immediately. I was so grateful to stop this treatment, but have often wondered: which doctor is correct? I still have chronic pain, but somehow I’m not treating the underlying source.

I’ve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, muscle pain, about four years ago. But my biggest worry is WHAT’S CAUSING THIS?  This is where I need to accept where I’m at, use my meditation and my yoga as my medical treatment. I always feel better after my meditation and yoga, but unfortunately at this point it has not completely cured my pain.

I am working on trying my best to manage my pain through meds and my yoga practice. What I want to be able to do is to accept and embrace my pain as a teaching tool—what can I learn from this. Some days it seems I master this; however, today is not one of them. The weather hasn’t helped much either today. So today my intention is to just breathe and acknowledge my pain, then let it go. Just for today.

Re-Learning a Back Bend!

On Twitter, one of my pals is guiding me through backbends. At 45, I'm learning how to become Youthful again. I'm trying to see things through the lens of a child. Instead of being scared of backbend, which unfortunately I am, I am going to learn to accept where I'm at at this moment.

So, my friend, @YogaChickie on Twitter, had this to say about starting: Do sphynx, salabasana, bhekasana, dhanurasana and ustrasana, in that order..every single day for a week. (For examples of these poses, you can go to http://www.yogajournal.com/ and click on poses.) She also stressed the importance of warming up with sun salutations and lunges to prepare every part of my back for this asana.

I will follow her "prescription" for the week and let everyone know of my progress. If you have any helpful hints, I'd love to hear them! Either post here or find me on twitter @Youthful_Yogini!  Namaste!

Dharma Code

I just began Rod Stryker's book, The Four Desires. I decided to blog about one aspect in the book that struck me: Dharma Code. From my understanding at this point, this is fulfilling your soul's desires by living each day in a way that makes positive choices to fulfill your life's work.

OK, so I haven't started the exercises defined in the book yet--I'm only in part 2 of the book--but here's what my gut and heart have told me (again, I've not started the exercises--just what I believe at this point): my heart has always been happiest when I acknowledge others' accomplishments and help them to be the best they can be.

I love seeing people succeed at whatever they set their minds to. I believe that if we give unselfishly to others without holding back, we benefit the most. For example, one of the sign language interpreters I work with signs with such feeling and clarity. She and I were working with a student one day and the student and she were talking about using Skype. Her clarity and visual accessibility to this technology (which I have never experienced) made me feel as if I actually had seen this. I commented on how beautifully she interpreted that, and the happiness and relaxation that came over her being was so profound, it made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. I believe I benefitted more than she from that experience because I got to see Spirit at work that day.

So at this point, I believe my Dharma Code is to see the beauty in everyone (especially those individuals I have the most difficulty with). If I am unable to express that to the other person because I feel my ego will be in jeopardy, I will do my best to gently push my ego aside and let that person know how I feel.

Happy Sunday!

Yoga Nidra

In the November 2011 issue of Yoga Journal is an article about Yoga Nidra. It is a profound-restorative practice of yoga that promotes deep relaxation while being wakeful at the same time.

Three years ago I was introduced to Yoga Nidra by my friend, Hansa. The practice at first seemed like guided relaxation, but after the initial practice of Yoga Nidra I felt more alive and at peace in my body than I ever had before. It almost felt as if I were walking on a cloud. There was so much space between my joints and muscles that I felt so very light.

As with anything, I had forgotten about the practice of Yoga Nidra until YJ arrived at my home. I remembered the blissful, grounded feeling I had experienced while doing this.

One of the interesting effects of Yoga Nidra while doing it, was  that I saw images behind my eyelids. One image was of a crocodile moving slowly with its mouth open. I later asked Hansa about that. She said in her experience crocodiles/alligators represent strength. Odd, I thought, since I felt so relaxed--but the strength, I believe, was coming from determination and groundedness.

My goal for this month is to practice Yoga Nidra at least twice. More if I can carve out some extra time in the evenings. Namaste.

What My Feelings Can Tell Me

Since I've been more willing to experience my feelings and not freak out about them, it seems that they surface and I feel a bit annoyed, but not upset.

Yesterday as I was doing gardening, my heart wasn't in it. I kept lecturing myself by saying, "you can choose to act miserable or to be happy--it's your choice!" Well I chose miserable. Couldn't help it; I tried to make myself feel abundant, happy, at peace with myself, but it wasn't happenin'.

I guess where I'm at now is just acceptance. For so long I have really blocked out my feelings and didn't allow them to surface as much, so this is just probably all the gunk that is getting unstuck. But, I AM up for the challenge. I know in order to become healthier, I have to go through the difficult emotions that show up in my life.

Yoga continues to allow me to be gentle with myself and accept myself and my emotions for what they are. I'm definitely experiencing a steep learning curve! Today I'm not living up to the "youthful" in Youthful Yogini...maybe tomorrow!