Daily Ramblings Part III

My house is getting cleaner by the day. Today I cleaned out our mug/junk cabinet and showed my oldest son and he said, "Looks the same." Let me grab a wall...
I also cleaned the top of the fridge. Be honest, when was the last time you did that? Seems like it's been a few months for me...had to dust it before I wiped it. Boy my days are so entertaining!

About three more weeks left of summer break with little direction on how this school year will go. I've noticed the surge of posts on Facebook regarding the reopening of schools. Administration, the state, the teachers, and the staff all have differing points of view which is creating a lot of stress not only among the teaching community, but among families with little kids that need to get back to work. A hybrid approach may not be best for them. But what is best for all of us? I wish I had an answer. This not knowing is causing me quite a bit of stress. The admin in my husband's district meet only via Zoom, but expect students will be back in the fall.
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One thing I have been doing the past couple of days that I haven't done in months is listen to my favorite music. I prefer quiet most of the time, but I needed motivation yesterday to clean (see a pattern here?) and got the house dusted in under an hour. Dang, that helped. So I did that again today and noticed my mood much improved. Most people (at least those I know) need music like they need air. I'm not one of those, but in small amounts, it really does lift my spirits.

I need a vacation from this summer break. Going back to work looks good. Maybe then I'll slow down on the cleaning.

We Met at Size 8: My Adventures in Europe, Part IX

It's been almost two years since my last installment of "We Met at Size 8..." and over four years since my sister, Becky, and I celebrated my 50th in Europe. It is my hope that I am able to continue since the particulars have all but faded from my memory. What has stayed, however, is the feeling of wonder, excitement, and pure pleasure I was able to share with Becky and my sister-in-law, Erika.

My brother, Chris, was unable to make the trip from London to Spain, but his bride of three months was able to join us. Becky and I got her all to ourselves. Having grown up in Spain, Erika was the perfect companion. But much more than that, Erika was like an old, comfortable friend (whom we had only met a few months before). She felt like our sister.

Our apartment was in the center of Barcelona. It was spaciously quaint which was a comfortable landing pad after a full day of adventure.

Spain was a different world from London. Street vendors lined the squares. Upon approaching the wares, Erika would gently veer me away from them. These vendors were selling without permits/licenses. Every now and then you would see one of them fold the corners of their large blankets covering their merchandise and fling the sack over their shoulder only to set up in another less-watched place away from police. At one point, we saw a policeman talking with a vendor and a patron. Turns out, they may have both been arrested/fined: the vendor for obvious reasons, the patron for purchasing illegal merchandise. That could have been me!

Visual performance artists would also line the square. I was completely taken with them. My sister took pictures, which means that you need to tip. I guess Americans over tip...which is what I did. They sure liked us.

What was really hard for me to get used to was the two-hour lunches and dinner that starts at the earliest around 9:00. Erika had rented a car and took us outside of Barcelona to a small town. We had wanted to do some shopping while there. The courtyard, which was surrounded by stores/restaurants was deserted. We found everyone in one of the restaurants. We were there for two hours...at lunchtime! I asked Erika why we weren't getting our check. She explained that it is highly rude for a waiter to ask you if you need anything else or are ready for your check. Besides, what else could we have done but sit and enjoy ourselves. Everything was closed! Since lunch started around 2:00, we didn't have dinner until later either. One night it was almost 11:00 before we ate! (My oldest son has visited Chile twice in the past year. Just those two visits have all but changed his eating habits. Morning he eats something small, lunch is the biggest meal, and at dinner he just grazes.)

Time works differently in Spain. The relaxing vibe was so very good for my overworked mind. I could use me some Spain right now (see Daily Ramblings Part II). I'm guessing we all could.

Daily Ramblings Part II

Right now my ego has a strangle hold on my serenity. For some reason it knows best. Just ask it. My heart keeps saying, "Be patient. Things are always better than you believe them to be. Forcing things to go your way only gets you into trouble." Wise heart. I need to listen to her more.

I'm at a crossroads so to speak. Not having control over the outcome of these choices is turning my sacral chakra into a whirling dervish. I really dislike this feeling. Yet again, I'm judging my body's reaction to this stress as something bad. Maybe I can look at this differently.

Signals in the body that are uncomfortable are warning signs that something is out of whack. When worry becomes the forerunner of my thoughts, this is a sign that I need to back off. Years ago, I heard a saying by Glenn Turner that has stuck with me ever since: "Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere." 

I'm writing this today to give myself something constructive to do. I need to give these worrying thoughts a place to express themselves so they can settle and move on. And does it really matter what the worrying thoughts are about? Am I better off ignoring them? 

At some point today, my ego and I are going to have a "Come to Jesus" meeting. Ego is a trickster, so I will have to be even trickier. No doubt it's already planning on how to have its way. But if I proceed with a gentle approach filled with love, compassion, and a willingness to listen, we might just come to an understanding where both of us win. 

Daily Ramblings Part I

I am so bored. This is a new-ish emotion for me. Childhood, sure. I got bored. But as an adult with two kids. Nope. Yet here I am. Mid-March we were shelter-in-place. Was supposed to be two weeks off (including the spring break that followed). That turned into one month, then two without seeing my students face-to-face. Google Meets at my dining room table became my classroom. I have to admit, it was fun. I enjoyed seeing my students in their homes—interrupted by their brothers, sisters, pets, parents. But that, too, came to an end. My daily routine came to a halt. So, I decided to do all the little projects that needed doing. My kids just think I’m doing useless chores…they may have something there. But I committed to doing about three projects a week. Things were looking pretty good at home. I still have more (invented) chores to do, but I just can’t seem to muster the enthusiasm…as if I had any before.

And now this flippin’ heat wave. Nuts! My garden is my safe haven, my therapy, my respite from all things mundane. And I get beauty from all the time I put into it. Except now. The weeds are loving this humid, icky weather. Even at 8:00 a.m. the air is like a moist (hate that word) blanket.

So, on our nightly walks (which has been getting later and later to combat the heat) my husband suggested I start writing.  I used to write in my blog quite often with whatever fit my fancy at the time. But what to write about now? I got nothin’. Again, Jeff said, “Why not write about how bored you are.” I can do that.

I have hobbies that I love: the aforementioned garden and beading. Currently, I’ve been watching tutorials on how to bead rings and intricately designed bracelets and earrings. I ate that up. For about two months. I’ve explored as much as I had supplies for. Oh, and…Hobby Lobby is closed. Crap! Say what you will about HL, but I love that store.

But wait! There is something I look forward to every week. Horseback riding lessons! Just the hour and a half I spend grooming, tacking, riding, and occasionally hosing-down the horses is just enough to reset my meter. For the past five weeks, I’ve been lessoning twice a week to make up for the two months where we weren’t riding. This is the first week I have only one lesson. I need to rethink going back to twice a week. This pent-up energy needs an outlet.

Am I complaining. Damn straight I am. Should I? Maybe. Maybe not. When I teach my online meditation classes the one thing I discuss is noticing what you feel in your body and your mind. Follow your breath. Just notice. Well, taking my own advice, I am noticing. I notice that my mind is on a racetrack and I am an active participant—not the observer as I encourage others to be. If I follow the thoughts to my body I see that the epicenter of all this is in my sacral chakra (lower belly area below the naval). When this area is out of balance, which mine is at the moment, there is suppressed creativity, resistance to change, and suppressed emotions. I get that. I’ve been trying to find a reason for all of this, but it may be that I’ve gotten tangled up in my web of anxiety. I tell my students: make no judgement, just notice. Maybe if I put my teachings into practice, I might feel better.

So, if I can put it out there: maybe a couple of times a week I can sit and do just this: Ramble. I can then look back over the weeks and see how I am changing. The inner critic tells me that it is wrong to feel bored. There is so much to do. Look at all those other people who would kill to be in your place. It’s hard to silence that part of me. We all are allowed to feel what we feel. What we do as a result of those feelings might just define us.

Just a Moment in Time

So today I've been pacing. It's too hot to garden or take a walk, my house is already clean, I've been making jewelry (mostly earring and rings) I may never wear, and I'm about to go out of my mind.

A friend of mine contacted me yesterday with the prospect of going to a lake this weekend to reconnect. It has been years since we've seen each other. I said yes immediately. Our world has changed so dramatically. I am amazed and a bit chagrined at how much I have taken for granted. Conversations on the sidewalk with total strangers (with a least 6 feet distance between us) is so very welcomed. I miss all the little things: giving hugs when I see friends while I'm out shopping, trading Reiki treatments with friends and other Reiki Masters, and I miss stopping out at my favorite Mexican restaurant for chips and margaritas. (Though I was very grateful to my friends, Jan and Dave, for agreeing to meet for dinner al fresco.)

What this time has given to me is a sense of deeper connection with my family and online community. Thank goodness my kids still live at home. It would have been heartbreaking not to see them during the months of shelter-in-place. I feel for those who have children who do not live at home with their families. That must be so hard. And the elderly. I understand the reasons of keeping away from those who may have compromised immune systems, but I also think of the emotional pain these people must be feeling by not seeing family and friends. So I am very blessed and have to remind myself that the scenario could be different.

I have continued to take horseback riding lessons (with a two-month hiatus from March-May). The horses I ride give me such therapeutic benefits to my psyche. If you have ever considered taking up the sport, I highly recommend it. Winston Churchill said, “There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.” No truer words were ever spoken about being with a horse. I have also started Facebook live events for meditation. I'm not sure who this is better for: my audience or me. This gives me an hour each week to really explore my breath and take stock of where I'm at right now. I feel relaxed and refreshed at the same time.

I think I need to take my own advice and allow myself permission to be a bit stir-crazy without judging myself. Sitting at the computer and doing my budget brought me to my blog...there is a connection, I promise. Just sitting here and hammering this out has done me good. I hope you all have bright spots in your day and are able to look at the benefits this year has brought to all of us. You may have to dig deep, but I assure you, they are there.