The Gift of Yoga: Thoughts about my Upcoming Retreat

Labor Day weekend is coming. My planned yoga retreat is just around the corner, and I am filled with so many mixed emotions. This is the first time ever that I have given a present to myself on this scale. Celebrating my 50th year, I knew I had give myself a gift that supports my belief of the importance of self-care and healthy living. I had the idea of splurging most likely in 2013. The thoughts of turning 50 seemed daunting at the time, but if I chose to, I could celebrate rather than mourn my changing body and passing years. So I put it down in writing, maybe just to set an intention, or maybe just to remind myself that each year, each day offers us something new if we are willing to open our minds and hearts. Looking back at this post, Present to Myself, I can see that it did the trick. Setting that intention gave me the direction I needed to keep that dream alive.

The emotions I'm feeling seem to be normal, but I can't help compare myself to those who are able to give to themselves much easier than I am able to. My sister, for example, travels often for business and pleasure. She travels with her family and takes trips with her friends. I honestly don't know how she does it. The part of me who is excited about this retreat is also feeling guilty for giving myself this. While this is not necessarily an expensive trip, it is more than I am comfortable spending. I have saved for this, but I can't help wondering if this money would be better spent elsewhere...and that's when I stop myself.  A good friend of mine said something to me years ago that has stuck with me ever since. My oldest son was 9 months old at the time, and I had been having severe lower back pain. My doctor had ordered physical therapy, but I didn't want to be away from my son any longer than was necessary. My friend knew how I was struggling with the pain, and she said this: Two hours a week taking care of yourself will make you a better mother. You are doing your son no good when you are in pain. So how does this relate? This weekend has the potential to give my mind, body, and soul a rejuvenating lift to make me a better person all around. This link will take you to the festival. The line-up is quite impressive. Sukhava Bodhe Yoga Music Festival 

My Dream Yoga Retreat is almost here. I hope my enthusiasm will outweigh my guilty feelings of going. The connections I am sure to make both personally and socially are sure to have  a profound affect on me. I hope you all are enjoying life in your neck of the woods. Namaste.

Year in Review

Looking back at 2014 actually seems exhausting to me right now. When I'm honest with myself, I can say that many good events and changes took place. When I'm feeling down, I may say that the year was tough and days were difficult to get through. I have a couple of people I know who are battling different types of cancer, and there by the grace of God go I. Really I am blessed and not dealing with a life-threatening illness. It is hard to keep that in perspective, however.

There is a wonderful saying that I think about in times of pain and stress: "Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind." Bruce Lee.. Many days I am the stiffest tree--in fact more than I'm comfortable with. It's when I notice that I'm being rigid that I need to get busy and change my patterns of behavior and my attitude.

I've begun again listening to Rod Stryker's Four Desires meditations. My favorite is the Bliss Meditation. It gives me the relaxation I need, the peace of mind, and the practice gets my head in the right place. If you haven't tried meditation, I suggest you do. Rod makes it so very easy with his soothing voice and simple instructions. It does take time to get used to sitting still and clearing your mind, but with patience and fortitude, you will get all the benefits promised.

At times I think I'm going backwards with my growth. When things do not go according to plan, I feel I am slipping. Not so, I have to remind myself. Maybe my soul/spiritual guides/God have decided that I'm ready to deal with the difficult situations that have needed to be addressed, and now, with the skills and tools I've gained, I'm ready to confront them.

What I do have going for me is that I am a willing participant in my life. I find ways to better myself through doctors and a therapist who makes me take hard looks at myself, but does so in a very gentle way. For anyone who has ever considered or wanted to try therapy, I fully recommend it. Honestly, if anyone has ever told you that it is shameful to go to a therapist, then you absolutely must change your thinking. My sister once said to me that people had often asked her why she chose therapy years ago, and she said, "Why wouldn't you?" And those simple words got my butt into therapy all those years ago.

Here are some of my wishes and suggestions for anyone who has taken time to read this: You are the most important person in this world. It took me years to figure that out. If you are not healthy in mind, body, and spirit, then there is no way you will be your best with your family, friends, and colleagues. Take the time out of your busy schedule to take care of yourself. In the long run it will be worth it. When I had my first child, I was afraid to be away from him. Going to work after my maternity leave was one of the hardest things I had to do. A dear friend of mine saw the struggles I was having and told me to get into an exercise program. I didn't have time and I didn't want to be away from my family. She actually told me I was doing my family no good in the state I was in. She was dead on right.

Please do not get the idea that I get this right all the time. I don't. Not even close. You teach what you most need to learn--not sure who coined that aphorism, but it is true. So looking to the new year, I will continue my self care and discovery, and my wish for all of you is that you take the precious time you need to refuel and re-energize your life so that you can live it to the fullest. Namaste.

Present to Myself

On my 50th birthday, I'm going to give myself a gift: a yoga retreat. For a couple of years I have had fantasies of going on a yoga retreat all by myself. It's a fantasy that is both exciting and terrifying at the same time.

While I love my alone time, I do not like being alone for extended periods; but if I am to be alone, home is where I want it to be. My sister sends me a plane ticket every year to visit her in Georgia--a place I love to visit, but if I'm to be honest with myself, fills me with longing for home. My home is my favorite place on Earth. The older I become, the harder it is for me to want to travel.

So why do I want to do this? I need to grow and move through my fears. I am not expecting that I will resolve these issues, but rather understand them better. Yoga has always been a safe place to explore my mind and body without judging.

Starting in January, I will be saving money so that when the time comes, I can pay for it outright. I've had my eye on a few retreats: California and New York retreats look enticing, but I think I'd rather stay within driving distance from my home. I have time, so no doubt I will choose the retreat that fits my needs at that time. I truly am looking forward to this. Namaste.