Sunday, November 20, 2011

A New Direction

OK, this morning I got news that wasn't fulfilling. I did not pass my National Boards for Professional Teacher Standards. This was my retake. I was two points away. This has been a difficult two years for me, and I believe that I will not retake one last time. I know that I have improved greatly as a teacher as a result of this process, but to pay more money for just the NBCT after my name seems self consumed.

Right now, my emotions are raw and I need distance from this process. But here's what I know is true: I have the best family in the world, my kids and husband are so supportive emotionally and spiritually, I am a damn good teacher, and I have a wonderful yoga practice that will guide me through any life changes or decisions I have to make.

I finished reading Rod Stryker's book, The Four Desires, and found the meditations and self discovery activities to be beyond profound. I actually think I will reward myself for not passing by embarking on new and exciting events. For instance, Rod Stryker is supposed to be coming to the Chicago area in March. I may want to invest my money there and attend his weekend-long workshop. I also have an opportunity to take a few ESL courses for free. I do have to be selected for this, and I have my fingers crossed. I will focus my attention on a new endeavor.

So after all this, finding out this morning that I didn't pass, I surprised myself at my ease and grace when dealing with my kids this morning. I didn't want to ruin their day. When I woke up my husband to tell him the news this morning, his compassion opened a flood gate of tears that I couldn't seem to control. My oldest son then came up to see what was wrong and I told him I didn't pass my test. He left without a word, and I told my husband that I must have frightened him with my deep sadness.

Well, about 20 minutes later, my two sons came up with a banner that they made that said, "You passed in our minds!" Now this is what life is about. It's amazing how just a little gesture can mean the world. I will hold onto this and go on with my life in a new direction. I need that right now.

1 comment:

Kathy Tierney said...

Kudos to you, Amy! And what an awesome family! There is no way you couldn't be an awesome teacher!
You need to do what feels right to you. It seems to me you are on the right track!